April 2009
3 posts
Dinosaurs still lived behind the Basketball Hall...
I was on a floating couch
with some friends after having escaped campus. Earlier, we had performed an improv sketch in front of the dean during which my pants ended up on the floor and a mouth ended up on my nutsack. But this wasn’t a sex dream.
On the couch, we floated out to sea, further and further away from the gloomy campus. The water was calm, the sky was blue, and the air was hot. As we sailed further from...
“My bosses fired me because I swore too much.”
March 2009
9 posts
A fast, flickering, collage of images
flashes back and forth from one another.
I’m crossing the Zakim bridge in Boston, and I’m met with a large crowd of people at its center. They are all waiting to get on a water ride of the log flume sort that lifts you up to the top of the bridge’s cable supports, and then plunges you down into the Charles River.
A cat sits outside my window at night meowing.
I am on the east...
There was a road block
on my way home from work. As I approached a line of police officers in my car, I saw that around the next curve on Main Street in Southampton, MA there was a dense collection of fire trucks and FBI vehicles. I inched my vehicle forward and a cop waved to me as if he knew who I was. As I rolled down my window he informed me that a sacred Mormon text had been found and it informed of the coming of...
Listen
It was a late hot summer afternoon
in Western Massachusetts. Two of my neighborhood friends and I were shooting the breeze down at a common hangout: the hill at the end of our dead end street. In our younger years, the hill - a sledding hotspot in the winter, main entrance to a forest kingdom, and home to many large, canopying evergreen trees - was a kind of nature’s playground. Now in our teens it was still a place of...
I had acquired an unusual photographic device
that was cylindrical and about three feet long. The long tube acted like a very long, very intense telephoto lens, while another lens which encompassed most of the camera’s length provided very wide panoramic views. The camera was held by both hands, one at each end; there were even indents and grips where the hands could take hold firmly. In order to take a picture, two buttons needed to be...
The maid I hired to clean my apartment
began to show interest in me as more than just a client. Every week after she cleaned we would retire to my bedroom. Then, as she was leaving, she would take the usual $50 I had left on the counter for her cleaning services. Weeks went by, and eventually we began screwing constantly. She’d leave without cleaning, but would still take her money as if she had. Effectively, I was paying her for...
I had a rare disease
that caused bright blue pustules to cover my hands, feet, and ears. The pimple-like growths could easily be popped, but the resulting puss would instantaneously form many new pustules. The doctor called it “Kobe Bryant Disease.” All past instances, though rare, fell out of control and resulted in the entire body blowing up into one large blue pimple and exploding. The only remedy was...
Spoiled milk can be remedied by shaking the...
February 2009
1 post
My car broke down,
and I was stranded in the middle of the desert on a cold summer night. Wind whipped across the flat plains of the Mid-West and froze the tip of my nose. My eyes watered from the sand being blasted into my face, and the resulting tears froze as they dribbled down my cheeks. It was midnight, and the damn car wouldn’t start. I called AAA. As I began to reach my thumb to the...